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"Oh Sh!t, Was That Today?" my autobiography
Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
Couldn`t stop thinking about that drought on the west coast while I was watering my driveway today.
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
The way my kids act at Walmart, it`s just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!
Very excited to announce I`m on the market and actively looking for someone new to make me miserable
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)
:): The Bipolar smiley face