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A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
God is creative... I mean look at me??
Wanna try something funny? Go to a bank and yell "NOBODY MOVE..(Scary pause)..I lost a contact lens."
I`m not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
I just want to be perfect... Nah just kidding, I love being weird
I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
Whenever I drive past the psychic’s empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.
Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk a$$.
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
You find it offensive? ... I find it funny ... That`s why I`m happier than you.