Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Most problems can be solved with nudity
I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
I don’t understand how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.
I`m now fit to make my regular annual resolution. The accomplishment is the problem
I swear this is the last time I watch Groundhog Day
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
I really thought 2015 had potential to be “my year” but we’re 2 months in and that ship has sailed so I’ll try again for 2016.
Interesting fact: Prior to the creation of hummus and ranch dressing nobody ate uncooked vegetables.
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.