Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My mom at night: Good night, sweet dreams I love you. My mom in the morning: Wake the f*ck up you lazy piece of sh!t.
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
30+ and single? There`s an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat for that.
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
All alcohol will make my clothes fall off… tequila just makes that happen in public.
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
Dear family, thank you for all those wonderful childhood memories ... Here`s my therapy bill.
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we`ll try anal. So please don`t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
Things that don`t kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming
Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.