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Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
The problem with plants is that you have to water them… like more than once apparently.
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
Girls these days be like `I wanna get the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet`N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice tan look`
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.