Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
The more neighbors I spy on through my binoculars, the creepier I think all my neighbors are!
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you`re right fellas, men are smarter than women.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole time is a good day.
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
Saying I have a drinking problem is like saying Bruce Lee had a kung fu problem, it`s not a problem if you`re good at it.
If “dress for the job you want” were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
When I have a yard sale I play the theme song to Sanford & Son with a boombox on my porch.
Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I`m a valued customer at several grocery stores.