Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I`m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
If you`re wondering why you`re single, date someone. You`ll remember
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink