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Bigger isn`t always better. Thighs, for example.
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
This "NORMAL" you speak of, doesn`t sound fun at all.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
I`m off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I`m already so beautiful you can`t stand it! I promise...a little more isn`t lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
I`m currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It`s called b*tches and hoes
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.