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The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
My last relationship was a lot like The Notebook. It felt like it lasted forever and we both wanted to die towards the end.
We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
My wife thinks I`m at work. My boss thinks I`m home sick. These ducks think I`m awesome because I have the bread.
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...