Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
My 83 year old neighbor got pulled over for speeding. She told the cop she had to hurry before she forgot where she was going.
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
Your cat doesn`t love you. If it were bigger it would eat you.
Your name should be Gelette because you`re the best a man can get
wants to rock and roll all night
Sometimes I think I’m too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...