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Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it.
Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
When I`m on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.
is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.