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Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
I dream of a day when a mysterious hand will pop out of the screen and b!tch-slap you silly each time you post a boring or stupid status.
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
Took the ice from my ice bucket challenge and put it in my whisky.
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
If a post is really good you will read it twice. if a post is really good you will read it twice.
Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.