Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sh!t`s spiraling out of control and I`m all like "wheeeee."
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
You`ve got to be twins. You`re too stupid to be one person.
I`m working out my budget and, provided I don`t live past Tuesday, I can retire relatively comfortably!!!
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
Over the weekend I pulled a muscle getting off the couch to fetch more Doritos.
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell. :)