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Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
I`m opening a bar called The Office. You`re welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I`m at The Office"
I wonder how many couples would still be together if they traded phones for a weekend
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
Why do people have to get ready for bed? Iām always ready for bed
Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you`re under oath
My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation Iām having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
facebooked yo mama!!!
I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn`t a very good one.