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Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
I wish "friends with benefits" meant your friends paid all of your bills.
Hi, im _____ but you could call me sexy.
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman’s mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. F*cking. Time.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
FYI, Target does not give prizes, no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.