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Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
I don`t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......
FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you`ll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.