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Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
The only people who care about my college degree are the college loan people.
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik`s Cube to solve it
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
They don`t seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts.
Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
Why do people say "nice to meet you" before I`ve even said anything? How do you know it`s nice to meet me? I`m an a$$hole.
I don’t care how loud I’m laughing, I’m having fun and you’re not.
The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."