Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I`m 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
Just a reminder that your coworkers aren`t going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
Sad life : After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is ... I`m 41
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
This year’s box-office revenue is down 20 percent from last summer. I’m not sure why that is, but I`ll bet you there’s a documentary on Netflix about it.
Anything is legal when there`s no police around