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If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
I hate when I’m about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
If a girl bangs ten dudes in a year she is a slut. If a guy done he`s gay. Definitely gay.
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
I never run with scissors…those last two words were unnecessary.
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.