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That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
I enjoy shopping online because at least I don`t have to act all shocked when my credit card gets declined.
Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
If I had a time machine, I would just keep going back to bed.
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
I wish that some of my coworkers were not allowed in the break room because those are the people I need a break from.
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
Robots can do anything we set their mind to
Note to self: the wife does not want an `exercise pole`.