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I`m all over that like a fat kid on a Smarty
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
you know why maths is unhappy? because it got so many problems.
I`m not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
Magician: Now I will cut the woman in half. Me: Why turn one problem into two?
You see a mouse trap, I see free cheese and a challenge. ;)
If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs; Send him to KFC by SIMO
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.
As I get older, I`ve learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I`m drunk.
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.