Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I always squint and respond “Why, what did you hear?”
I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
Don`t be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.
I’m not stupid. I’m just too lazy to show how smart I am.
Oh no. I thought of a brilliant status to update while taking bath but by the time I got back to my phone I forgot it. This is why I hate taking a bath.
Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
Patience is what I have when there are too many witnesses.
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
My son wants to be a shrink when he grows up... Clearly I`ve failed to teach him our family`s place in the psychiatric process...
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers