Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
Me: "Why do all the people I love leave me?!" UPS Guy: "Please Mam, just sign"
I always keep a Mexican restaurant on speed dial in queso emergency.
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
I wonder if there are any times on the clock that I have never seen.
I don`t care about Disney lying about the Prince Charmings out there. I`m more annoyed that random woodland creatures won`t clean my house.
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
My 5 year plan includes purchasing a Slurpee machine.
i dont have drain bramage.