Daily Silly Status

I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.

I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.

I regret nothing but mostly because I can`t remember most of the stuff I should probably regret

If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.

I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.

It`s going to be so disappointing if we ever ask aliens about crop circles and they`re just like, "We really hate corn."

Most days the best thing about my job is that my chair spins

I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired

“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”

Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.

How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.

I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved

I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?