Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
The only clubs I’m into are sandwiches.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s the only way I can talk to you.
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
Cops are allowed to tell women they have the right to remain silent, but when I do it I wind up with a fork in my leg.
if sexyness, kindness, sweetness was a crime, You would be the world`s most wanted