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If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth.
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.