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Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
Technically, Humpty Dumpty died a crack head
Perhaps we should hold elections on the last Friday of November, with polling stations at Walmart, Target and Apple
Did you know: Your life expectancy decreases every time you ... PISS ME OFF
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
Just a word of advice for all you single guys having a hard time out there, Forget the clubs, forget the churches, forget the online dating sites, as the best places to meet single women are the freezer section and down the cat food isle.....
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I`ve never heard of.
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.
I don`t fear death... It happens to everyone. I just hope when I am dead and buried, I don`t vote Democrat.