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I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
When my kids grow up, I`m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I`m bored & then just leave!
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
Ask me about my ability to annoy complete strangers.
times new roman walks into a bar. "sorry, we don`t serve your type."
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
I like candle lit dinners, romantic walks on the beach, and hardcore pornography.
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
If your buttcrack is showing out of your pants. I will drop change in it and make a wish.
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.