Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Much to my daughters horror, I just sang along to Ace of Base`s “The Sign” at full volume in a van full of her friends. Being a dad is fun!
Instead of cleaning my house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think " Wow my house looks great"
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
You can’t call them “love handles” if nobody loves you
It`s funny to watch all these people Bumping Up their own posts.
Just farted in 3 different languages! Thanks, Rosetta Stone!
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say “Give me the dumbest thing you can think of.”
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
"Shit ton" is my favorite unit of measurement.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.