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I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
No officer, my speech isn`t slurred. I`m just talking in cursive.
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation I’m having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
I think I`m going to run for political office, so people can dig up dirt on me. I have been wanting to piece together my twenties.