Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there`s really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge.
I checked my calendar, and I won`t give a f*ck tomorrow either.
I bet it’s called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.
As if " cray cray" wasn`t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to " cray"....that`s just stu stu
Apparently, I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot, and a big-a$$ed pitcher of margaritas as “Plan B”
I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
I hate when the remote is way over there
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.
Life`s short ... Drink fast
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.