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Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!
My new workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.
?"I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren`t you wearing pants" look."
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
Your things are terrific.
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
My local news station says it gives us " news when it breaks " ...I want unbroken news!!