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I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose vodka.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
Does "who cares" count as advice?
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.