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Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
My phone is covered in cupcake frosting and dried ice cream, in case you were wondering how my life is going.
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
I`m reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
Guy advice #221: Starting a load of laundry in the washing machine and then starting a load in the dryer counts as `2 loads` - just sayin`!
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.