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I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.
My tricks aren`t for kids.
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
Go to China on honeymoon. Get intimate with Husband. Tell child that they were "Made in China."
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Next time a guy says he wants to fight you, just say "not in that outfit!" and roller skate away
I like superheroes but I`d rather hang out with the villains.
Really close to my perfect target weight. All I need now is one more stomach flu
Why isn`t Wendy`s girl fat? You would think that someone who eats so many Baconators, chicken sandwiches and other burgers, would be quite the porker by now.
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!