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Pretending to tolerate other people is exhausting.
If your lawyer has a ponytail, you`re going to jail
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel... It was 3 weeks from tomorrow.
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
Iām Not Arguing. Iām Simply Explaining Why Iām Right.
I wonder where superman changes now that there are no more phone booths
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.
You never know how many people you dislike until you have to name your child.