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One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I`m trying to unlock it more than two times, I`m driving off without you.
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb sh!t.
They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
I should be asleep, but there are a lot of things I should be.
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
If I`m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!