Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
I`m reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
Dear YouTube, I will always “Skip this ad.”
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
The only hunger games i care about involve plastic hippos.
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
The biggest lie I tell myself is: “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can’t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.