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This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
I would watch NASCAR if it was more like Mario Kart.
It’s amazing how much more money I have when I’m drunk.
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?
He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it`s all screaming and sh!t.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.