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I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
I`m going to hell in every religion!
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead but other people do. The same is true when you are stupid.
“I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.