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I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it.
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
condoms prevent minivans
I carry a yoga mat, but it`s only because I get sleepy after lunch
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
Whoever convinces blind people that they need sunglasses,, is one heck of a salesman....
I`ve given up on giving up.
If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?
The older I get, the more I understand someone`s desire to just say-"F*ck it. I`m going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge."
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!