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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes
I’m sick of closing out every job interview with “I was young. I needed the money.”
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice!
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
“Be yourself” is the worst advice you can give to some people.
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs. For a second, I thought, "Should I help?" Then I thought, "No...6 should be enough."