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Which wine goes best with more wine?
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
It should cost $10 to leave someone a voicemail.
If you don’t want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
"That`s close enough..." ~Government worker
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.