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twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
Just once...one time; can`t we buy a tree that doesn`t try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
That awkward moment when you imagine your own funeral...
Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE!? Neighbor: Get out of my house! Me: You`re not even guessing.
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
My life is loosely based on a true story.
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "