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One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: ‘last warning, you have a week to get the money together.’
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
Finally, my winter fat is gone, now all I have are spring rolls.
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
I just found out that his full name is actually, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
The moment when someone says a word and everyone laughs, including you and then someone goes, "Do you know what that means?" and you go "No, not really."
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.
There is nothing worse then trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.