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Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I`m hiring her as my personal trainer.
Didn`t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
bras are booby-traps
If I was a waiter.. I would plant fake engagement rings in every girl`s champagne glass, just to see their boyfriends panic.
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them?
Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
Coffee? I`ll have a cream soda ... One cup of coffee and I`m up all afternoon.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.