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I’m trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
Messing up a guy’s hair = cute. Messing up a girl’s hair = putting your life on the line.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
Trust me ...... I can`t believe I`m still here either.
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
If you don`t know me by now....I`m a really good stalker.
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
I`ll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life i am going to "allow to cool in microwave for 1 minute"!
If I ever get off this couch, I’ll be unstoppable.
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/