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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
If you are used to seeing a fat, naked guy walk around his house, then you are probably my neighbor.
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I`ll be notified immediately.
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
Friends don’t let friends twerk.
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
DAAAAY-OH! DAAaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home.