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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
And we all have that one friend who has more blonde moments than an actual blonde.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad
My mind says diet, but my stomach is all SHUT UP BITCH.
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
I`d like to eat healthy, but we all know what happened that time Eve ate an apple. Best not to risk it.
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don`t know where I belong.
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.