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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
We live in the era of smartphones & stupid people
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
Most days the best thing about my job is that my chair spins
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
I’ve found the best way to learn your co-workers’ names is by eating their food in the office fridge
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
I noticed you’re not yourself today. I really like it.
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.