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Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.
Those teardrop tattoos mean you cried during the notebook, right?
Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
People say nails on a chalkboard is the worst sound ever... I think it`s the alarm clock in the morning.