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I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help.
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
I`m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn`t work out
Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
Junk food would be a lot easier to avoid if it actually tasted like junk.
Roses are red, this much is true, Violets are purple, not f*cking blue
I drink because people talk.
There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press “door close” in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted