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Today`s secret word is "epic". When someone says the secret word scream real loud and punch them in the face.
Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
Damn your Hott!...........................Freaking Sun! lmao =P
Sometimes after a nap, I like to take another nap.
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can`t remember where I parked my car.
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should have died in 1732.
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell. :)
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."