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I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
Be careful, there is also plenty of mentally unstable fish in the sea.
I have been tagged and poked so many times today, I may not be able to walk tomorrow.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
When you go in the other room I ask your dog what you look like naked.
Sixth in line to the throne takes on a different meaning when you’re not in the royal family but in a dive bar.
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational post are hard.
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.