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I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
Be careful, there is also plenty of mentally unstable fish in the sea.
I have been tagged and poked so many times today, I may not be able to walk tomorrow.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
When you go in the other room I ask your dog what you look like naked.
Sixth in line to the throne takes on a different meaning when youβre not in the royal family but in a dive bar.
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeusβ¦and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational post are hard.
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.