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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
Five second rule? Pfft. What`s the point of having an immune system if you`re not going to use it?
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don`t want people to recognize me when I`m pooping.
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.