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is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
If you think you hate me now, wait till I start answering your rhetorical questions.
Laughter is the best medicine but if you are laughing without any reason, I think you need medicine
Success is like pregnancy, everyone congratulates you but no one knows how many times you`ve been screwed to get there.
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I`m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.