Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
I can already tell this is going to be one of those days where I am not rich and famous.
The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
Last night I got drunk and ate 3 tennis balls by mistake, f*ck you Pringle`s.
You can’t choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls.
For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won`t tell you what they`re wearing.
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it`s considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it`s called "cheating."
Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco for one more sec
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.