Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
If Freud was alive today he would probably be awesome at telling "Yo Momma" jokes.
I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
That time Homer`s arms were stuck in a vending machine until he realized he could just let go is basically what all of life is like
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.