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Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
Ladies, how do I work my man boobs and get out of a ticket? Quick, she`s coming.
Lucky Charms should be 98% Marshmallows and 2% of that other sh*t.
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can`t flick your friends out the car window
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
My memory foam has amnesia
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i`m pretty sure they`re hallucinations.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!
Just realized the irony of putting Bacon on my VeggieBurger..........