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Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.
A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
I wish I could veto MY bills.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.
Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.
Admit it: you have all tried to rap in the shower..