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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
How did human beings express empathy before the phrase "that sucks" was coined?
Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.
Iām exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever Iām making important life decisions.
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.