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To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce.
To be truthful from deep down ... I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
You ever wonder why it`s only women who need exorcisms?
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN...
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
I need a partner in wine.
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
Friends that are with you during your darkest times probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.