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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.
“I saw that.” -Karma
Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.
Beach people are fickle. One minute you`re the loser with a bucket of cold fries and the next they`re terrified of the Lord of Seagulls.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.