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My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
Selfie... Because it`s important to realize that it`s not the photographer who is making you look ugly.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
Christmas spirit? I`m proud to say I`ve got plenty of that. I`ve got rum, whiskey, gin, brandy, vodka and tequila.
Pretty much always 3-5 seconds away from just laying down wherever I am.
I’ve always wanted to climb Mt. Everest…just not more than I don’t want to.
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
Life`s too short for Salad..............
Cars should come with two horns: one that’s like “Hey guys!” & another that’s like “I will end you!”
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
Having kids puts a new perspective on life.