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I`m sorry I slapped you. It`s just you seemed like you weren`t going to stop talking and I panicked.
A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
Nothing ruins a perfectly good mood like reality.
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
How many decades of knowing someone before it`s rude to ask what their name is?
Why do I even have unlimited texting?
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .
Stay Calm, take a breath, and reload.