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Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
I enjoy shopping online because at least I don`t have to act all shocked when my credit card gets declined.
If you workout and don`t post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
I’m not saying don’t trust the internet but there’s an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I’ve won & the number of ipads I own.
I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there`s a movie I`d pay to see.
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
I just bought a medical alert bracelet that says ... "Probably just sh!tfaced."
At night I dump massive amounts of Legos on the floor in case anyone tries to rob my house bare footed.
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public, why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.