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Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you’re brave enough.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
All these people are talking about finding Jesus, finding love, finding themselves... I`m like I found 63 cents and four Fritos in the couch!
If you are willing to date an ex, it means that you`re backwards compatible.
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
"Wish You Were Beer!" Wait...no...that`s right...send.
sleep is for people without netflix
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.