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When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
You know you`re getting older when you play GTA and spend 3 hours just walking around the map trying to find where you parked your car.
Everyday Iām shoveling. ā Winter 2014
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
Remember, laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrea.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a prescription bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness."
My nickname is Gilette because I`m the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
Every girl is beautiful, sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it....
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.