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I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
Whenever I`m sad, you`re there. Whenever I`m having problems, you`re always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you`re always there. Lets face it. You`re bad luck.
I`m all for change as long as it doesn`t directly affect my routine.
i dont like ling distance relationships so i move the fridge to my room
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
Every Facebook photo album could be titled either "Envy Me!" or "Pity Me!"
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium