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And, yet another day I’ve gone without using calculus.
I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day.
Hard butter is the devil.
Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
I only accept apologies in cash.
Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works.
Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
You can tell how old someone is by what part of the chex mix is their favorite.