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You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
Million dollar idea: Alarm clock that releases spiders... NOW you`re up.
Honk if you are reading this.
My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I`m sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
How many facebook friends do you have that if they posted "I`m depressed and on the edge", your first thought would be to poke them?
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
According to Pinterest, I`m severely under-utilizing mason jars.
I`m on that “Starts tomorrow” diet.
Did you ever wonder why the cat was in the bag in the first place?
Do you ever just look at someone and think "Wow, let me take off your pants."
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.