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Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size
I`d better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I`d better get some friends...
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
Where have you been all my life? ... Please go back there.
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
Neil Armstrong was the first human being to step foot on the moon. Neil A. backwards spells "Alien"