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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
My dog acts like his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
You can tell how old someone is by what part of the chex mix is their favorite.