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I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
My house looks like I`m losing a game of Jumanji.
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
I could write an entire book on excuses... but I have to drop my dog off at the airport.
Dr. Seuss could have been the greatest rapper ever.
Sixth in line to the throne takes on a different meaning when you’re not in the royal family but in a dive bar.
My therapist just offered me my money back.
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
If you get excited that jumping on the bed won`t spill the wineglass on the other side, you`re probably an alcoholic.
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
Thanks, autocorrect. I`m sure she`s dying to know about my huge peninsula.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.