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If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I`d just laugh and search with them.
If I were my boss, I`d never leave my coffee cup unattended.
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
Yeah he`s still bugging me...he thinks Harass is two words.
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake it then you`ve got it made!
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
I don`t want to brag, but I`m single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.