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Tattoos are like potato chips. You can`t have just one.
Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
Mondays are middle finger approved
Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin’ STILL isn’t easy.
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
You have to PAY for a speeding ticket?! I thought it was a reward for beating other drivers..
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?
To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.