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If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
Mom: You haven`t moved since I left 5 hours ago? Me: Excuse me, where do you think these chips came from!!???
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
Bacon...need I say more
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t
All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.
I drive safer when there`s food on my passenger seat than when there`s a person sitting there.