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I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
Every year new words are added onto the dictionary, yet no new positions are added to the karma sutra.
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
If I throw a stick will you leave?
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?
Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
Wait,,,, What does it mean when my bride uses air quotes during the vows???
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
I was really pissed at my girlfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered she`s imaginary. So I`m good.