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If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
There`s an emoji for eggplants but not for popcorn and this is why trusting people isn`t just hard, it`s impossible.
!f yhu T@k yk d!$, then dont talk to me.
The parent-teacher conference is going great. They have no idea I’m not the teacher.
Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. A broken heart makes you wiser. And alcohol makes you not remember any of that sh!t.
Pretty sure autocorrect and Siri talk shit about me behind my back.
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
My life may be a mess but at least I didn`t make a harlem shake video.
I know u r but what am I ?
If your girlfriend has $15 and you have $30, your girlfriend actually has $45.
A guide to hating people. Step 1: get to know them.
The plans I make after work are in direct proportion to how much charge I have left in my phone battery.
Some people should come with subtitles.
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.