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Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
I wish I had Shazam for faces...
Went to the virgin islands, now they are just the islands.
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what Iām doing.
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.