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If Jehovah`s witnesses brought pizza and beer with them, I`d gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion.
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
"Hello, 911? Hi, I was just wondering: is it stop, drop, THEN roll? Cause my friend--STOP SCREAMING, I`M ASKING THEM"
Humans pretend to be smart, but we still look at the ceiling when we hear a noise upstairs like we just developed x-ray vision.
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
My favorite iOS7 feature is how it distracts me from the fact that I`m wasting my life poking a glass screen.
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
Real friends show me their boobs
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
I think I`m going to run for political office, so people can dig up dirt on me. I have been wanting to piece together my twenties.
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!
gua suka sama kamu