Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ha! Who`s laughing now, f*ckers that took your Christmas lights down last year!
Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I`d go to hell for.
My face hurts from pretending to like you.
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."
I dont think I could ever stab someone.. I barely can get the straw into a Capri Sun.
My car broke down outside Pizza Hut last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift from the driver.