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Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
I`m always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight.
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
*uses Ouija board* NEW PHONE WHO DIS
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
facebooked yo mama!!!
Honk if you want to see my finger.
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.