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Next time you think life`s not fair..think of this x large clothes cost $2 more than large so why doesn`t small cost $2 less ? Being fat ....now that`s unfair
Considering I`m broke, I wonder if she`ll let me be her sugar-free daddy.
My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
Sober me makes plans and drunk me cancels them. Its a good system.
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
"I`m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back." ----people in wheelchairs probably
I hate when I’m walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.