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Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
If you never jumped from couch to couch as kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I`m supposed to stop reading the internet.
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
When it comes to tantrums, I throw like a girl.
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
I’ve never pretended to be anything I’m not…except for sober. I’ve pretended to be sober a few times.
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.
Dear Rebecca Black, you are the most beautiful And prettiest girl in the world. Don`t let the haters get you down. P.S Forgot to mention today`s opposite day.
If you`re feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.