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Ran out of post-it notes, now I don`t know how to remind myself to buy more.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes… Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
I stopped going to AA because all of their stories were about how they hit rock bottom by waking up next to me.
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.