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My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
Please excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.
Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.