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So many rules; so little time to break them.
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
I start to feel really anxious when my work piles up. I never know what to ignore first.
The worst part of being an insomniac is having to eat spiders while Iām awake to maintain my yearly average.
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
The only thing I`ve learned from scary movies is to avoid pale children
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to