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I just researched the medicinal name for Viagra..... MYCOXAPHAYLYN
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won`t be enough.
It`s weird how Dora is multilingual at 4 but can`t find the banana tree behind her...
Some people have a natural talent for stupid. Others take that talent and actually ENHANCE it!
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down.
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
Sarcasm is funnier when used on people who don`t understand it.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.