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I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
Wedding: The really expensive party taking place relatively 5-10 years before your divorce.
There are no bad pictures; that’s just how your face looks sometimes.
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a taxi fill up at a gas station