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I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?
Winning isn`t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your opponent is also important.
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
my entire life is a "had to be there" moment
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.
Ban pre-shredded cheese! Make America grate again.
I just want to alternate between napping and eating all day everyday while getting attention, so basically I just wish I were a dog.
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.