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Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
“Have you tried just drinking ALOT of vodka?”- me as a therapist
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy
Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I`d have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again.
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
The funniest thing about being sober is to realize you were so drunk last night you were texting all night with a calculator.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.