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Somedays I could do without the life lesson
2 words, 1 finger.
Rapper; "I`m killing them snitches, smacking then bitches, smokin blunts and f*ckin hoes!" *wins award* Rapper: "I just wanna thank god.."
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
Save time. See it my way.
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she`s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
Sometimes, I think I`m a genius. Then I realize I`ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
I´m playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they´ll never find me, because they aren´t old enough to drive or get into this bar.
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?