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"Don`t try this at home" encourages people to try it at another`s home instead.
Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
In actuality, Batman is just a more violent and dark version of Inspector Gadget.
Marriage is like playing Monopoly. It starts out as fun, gets a little boring, then someone steals money from the bank and no one ever wins.
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
You can stay, but your clothes must go.
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.
My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
I`m gonna just take a quick nap before I go to bed.