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The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
As an adult, I’m not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
Helpful Tip: You can’t get in trouble for leaving work early if you disable the security cameras and crawl out the air-conditioning duct.
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.