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Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
I wonder how often I’ve narrowly avoided death without even noticing.
I found out that middle age is were you finally get your head together and then your body starts falling apart
Life is like toilet paper....either you`re on a roll....or you`re taking sh*t from some asshole
Having a bit of a lazy day! I`m sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused.
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
Sometimes it`s fun to make fun of yourself. Almost as fun as it is to make fun of others.
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!!
just spilled alphabet soup on my keyboard. I`m so confused
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!
Common sense is like deodorant....The people who need it most never use it.
President Donald Trump will sign an executive order tomorrow to bring back Pluto as a planet. Make the universe GREAT again.