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Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus.
To be truthful from deep down ... I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
"You`re better than that" is almost never true
From now on when someone asks you where you`re from look them dead in the eye and say: Planet Venus.
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
The only thing I`ve learned from scary movies is to avoid pale children
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?