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According to a recent study 52% of women have used vibrators....I`m guessing the other 48% have new ones?
Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
Trying to be a responsible adult is messing up my social life.
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.