Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they`ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you`re at it, too.
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
Random Thought: How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
Yes, Facebook says we`re `friends` but, trust me, I wouldn`t hesitate to punch you in the face.
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?